Bike Jokes.....

[Hotrod Jr]

Here are some jokes i found while i was board at work....Enjoy:rolleyes:


Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture ...
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip ...
8. Has arthritis and the past 700 miles have made it difficult to raise arm ...
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him...
6. The expresso machine just finished ...
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved ...
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stock broker and accessories dealer ...
3. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard ...
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system ...

And the Number One reason Gold Wing riders don't wave back:

1. They couldn't see through the glare from the chromed-dash accents


Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty ...
9. Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm ...
8. Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for ...
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off...
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos ...
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley ...
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers ...
3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else ...
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet ...

And the Number One reason Harley riders don't wave back:

1.They're jealous that after spending $25,000, it's still not as reliable as a Gold Wing

[Hotrod Jr]

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God. "Hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

[Hotrod Jr]

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "51."

Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

[Hotrod Jr]

Ever want to test ride a Harley...? Well if you did heres your chance... http://www.valkyrieriders.com/harley/home.htm

[Hotrod Jr]

A Suzuki rider, a Ducati rider and a Harley Davidson rider were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze after a long day’s ride. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them, impounding their bikes in the process. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Harley Davidson rider was first in line (he had drunk the most), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Harley Davidson rider had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Ducati rider was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said: "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through. The Ducati rider had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Suzuki rider was the last one up (he had drunk the least), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said: "You ride a Suzuki. You support the greatest motorcycle producer in the world. I myself ride a Gixxer 1000 and have many Busas in my fleet. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thanks, your most Royal highness", the Suzuki rider replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes!"

"Not only are you an honorable and powerful man, you are also very brave" the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.

"Tie the Harley Davidson rider to my back." The Suzuki rider replied.

[Hotrod Jr]

Reasons why Harley riders don't wave at other bikers
_______________________________

They're way too cool to acknowledge any non-Harley riders.

They're too busy daydreaming about owning a real motorcycle.

Their engine is too weak to handle the added wind resistance of a waving hand.

The Rottie (in back of the pickup truck with the tied down Harley) is easily upset by rapid hand movements.

Are you kidding? Risk their lives trying to control a Harley with just one hand!

They're too busy humming "Born to be Wild" while fantasizing about being Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper.

They're too busy figuring out how to pay for next order of genuine Harley accessories (including the "official" HD calculator needed to add up the cost).

If they really have to tell you, you won't understand anyway.

They can't see you because their half-shell helmet keeps falling down over their eyes.

They think we are actually trying to draw their attention to the parts falling off their bikes, and they are sick and tired of it.

[Hotrod Jr]

What does a dog and a Harley Davidson have in common? They both love to ride in the back of pickups!

Why do some people refer to the Harley as a "converter"?

Because it converts gasoline into noise !

If Harley made an airplane, would you fly in it? Well,I might ride in it, but it would be too heavy to get off the ground.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The Hoover has the dirtbag on the side


Q: When does the novelty of owning a Harley wear off?

A: The first time the footpeg falls of on you.

[Hotrod Jr]

:D

[Hotrod Jr]

A Harley owner buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting
pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should
try artificial insemination.

The Harley farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the
conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate
the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his wife's people carrier, drives them out
into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to
bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the People Carrier again. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure brings them back
and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and
drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep
and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass.

No, she says, they're all in the People Carrier and one of them is beeping the horn.

[Hotrod Jr]

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy biker bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw one of the bikers stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, & try his keys on five different bikes before he found his. Then, sat on a Ducati he fumbled around several for several minutes, looking as if he might pass out right there. Everyone left the bar and rode off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the biker, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The biker replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

[Hotrod Jr]

THE IDEAL WIFE
Honey, are you sure you have enough beer for tonight?
I love you working on the bike on Saturdays, we should do it together on Sundays?
Honey, I have decided to walk naked at home.
You are so sexy when you are hungry!
Sweetheart, what kind of brakes do you want me to buy for the bike?
Do you mind if we watch the game together tonight and finish a dozen of beers?
I am going to wash the bike!
No. No, No. I am changing the motor oil this time.
Forget about St Valentine we can go for a bike race instead.
Your mother is so much better than me.
That's enough! I don't wanna go for shopping anymore. We better stay home, rent some hot movies and ............I can invite my girlfriend to join us.
Listen, a new striptease bar just opened across the street. Why don't we go and take a look?
Honey, I just enrolled myself in yoga classes to learn how to put my legs behind my neck.
Only for you sweetheart.

:D

[Hotrod Jr]

THE RABBIT BIKER
Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now." The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet." This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle." Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said "I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat out of hell.

[Hotrod]

You have way too much time on your hands! :)

[Hotrod Jr]

Originally posted by Hotrod
You have way too much time on your hands! :)
Naaaa....I just moderate it well...